HomeMaker

HomeMaker - A Journey 

I was recently asked if I always wanted to be a homemaker or a Mother?

The short answer is Yes, and Yes! But allow me to share my journey, specifically with homemaking.

Yes, ever since I was little I knew that I wanted to be a “Mama and wife”, later I dabble with other ideas like being a vet or owning an antique shop, but even still, I never dropped my main dream. I held fast with motherhood and being a good wife as my personal highest goal.

In my life, I have done many different things, worked many jobs, lived from suitcase to suitcase while doing apprenticeships at organic and draft horse farms, I grew in that field and went on to be barn manager and trainer at one place. My job took me all over the US. Later I worked in NYC in cosmetics ( my goal was to save up for my piece of land) and also did several modeling gigs, went to flamboyant Brooklyn loft parties, and so forth. But I never lost sight of my goal. I did all that stuff because I was single and unmarried, but I was waiting to meet the right man so my real life could begin -this is how I saw it, I saw myself as only half living because I had no one to share anything with, everything was about me and that was it. 

Eventually, during a darker time in my life, I met my ex-husband and went down a shaky path with him ( and I knew it was shaky ) but I believed once we got married things would be different because... we’d be married. Sounds real silly now. 

Regardless, I was suddenly about to become both a wife and a mother! I had so many ideologies and expectations of myself and my role. But I had done nothing to prepare myself, I was naive about it all. I knew I had to cook and maintain a house, but I didn’t do my reading about how to be a good wife, how to be a mother, or how to cook with confidence. 

Well, during my marriage I tried my best, I worked hard to make good meals, and they were not bad, but I lacked confidence, and support at the time to push forward and overcome.  It was not until our divorce, not until I moved away and took time to heal, not till after all of it, that I finally went to the kitchen one day and said “I’ll be damned with this lack of confidence! I need to challenge myself!” So I decided that for one month I would do a soup challenge, I would pick a recipe of a soup I knew and others that I haven’t ever tasted, buy the ingredients, and make it! Some of you will remember my soup Challenge, I invited others to do it with me. And you know what? That was the beginning of my learning, that was me taking the step to claim confidence as a cook even though it was just for myself and Kira. She was such a cheerleader of mine though, she would only eat what I cooked, nothing store-bought. After a bit more time I ordered some fun Ukrainian and Russian cookbook so Kira could have a taste of her heritage and I could face my fear of cooking intimidating foods! I just went for it! Picked random recipes with not too expensive ingredients and tried them! Eventually, I ended up making some soup for the men at church and I heard back that they would appreciate more lunches from me. I was so shocked and happy, no longer was I held down by fear!  So I spent the rest of my year improving my culinary skills, even to the point where my Mama calls me her little housewife! I began to investigate further by reading blogs and ordering books about femininity, marriage, and womanhood. I wanted to understand how I could better myself, how I could prepare myself for my next Marriage, and be a good example to Kira. I’ve learned so much on my little journey, and I will have more to share with you soon. But I wanted to address cooking specifically because it’s something many of us modern-day women struggle with or lack skills, and knowledge in. Many baby boomer parents didn’t even teach us or weren’t able to (because they worked or were a single parent) teach us girls about some basic survival skills. 

In my opinion, whether you are a hardcore feminist or wanting to be a stay-at-home mom, women should be able to fend for themselves in the kitchen. Imagine if you live alone most of your life and you can’t make or are scared to make basic healthy food for yourself. Cooking is a survival skill, but I think women should try to overcome the fear of judgment or negative ties to cooking and just try it. A lot of my journey was health-focused, I didn’t want to give myself or my baby ready-made food, or waste so much money ordering out. But now I am even more health-conscious, heading towards a primal diet, and I must provide delicious, healthy, and nourishing food for my family. Had I never pushed myself to overcome my intimidation with cooking I might not be able to successfully do that. 

Lastly, now that I have furthered my knowledge on womanhood and worked on my skills it has brought me so much more joy to be able to help and care for my loved ones in this very human way. Feelings of love are important, but actions of love hit home for me. 😉

What other aspects of my homemaking journey would you like me to share?